I do not adore you. In fact, you pain me horribly.
I try desperately to be part of your world and it goes ignored.
I’m hanging desperately onto the threads left of my social life. I used to hold all the power in this relationship and now I’m standing at the church again, wondering what you are thinking.

I cannot seem to lose the weight I want to, I am slipping back into old habits of the worst kind. This school almost ruined my relationship with food, it’s a good thing i took a break when I did or who knows where I would be right now. So much of me says it would solve all my problems if I could. I’ve yet to begin training for a 60-mile walk, when I can barely make it a mile.

Andrew called yesterday because he doesn’t understand that I just cannott watch him fuck up anymore. I can’t wait for him in a pathetic Hollywood-induced hope that he would realize what we have is perfect. Or something?