So today must be one of the hard days. The nurse from hospice care gave me a little pamphlet about death, about the signs of death. My mother won’t eat and maybe that’s harder for me than some people because my life revolves around food, but I can’t handle it. I sit there begging her to eat and she yells at me. She looks like a holocaust victim, every day I see her she’s worse. She not really my mother anymore, shes just a body that makes noise sometimes.
I just want this to be done with. If they told me they could cure her today I wouldn’t want it, I never want to do this again. Mothers die, and people move on. I just want to reach the “moving on” point. Though maybe that will just involve more waiting.