This will all work out in the end, right?

It’s raining again, I think I’ve finally stopped caring for the rain.

I’m listening to my favorite Ray Charles song, I think he may be trying to tell me something. Maybe it is time for me to just let go of him. I am completely ready to do that. I think I already have. I know he already has.

Now it’s just a waiting game.

I lost my ipod, or it may have been stolen in the break-ins of the cars at my house(oh boo-hoo how will I ever survive?! WHY ME?!!!). They weren’t really break-ins since we don’t lock our doors. So I’m trying to burn some CDs for myself, and realizing I need to search out some new music. Hmmmm.

I have read the assignment for an essay due Thursday over and over again, and I still have no idea what it says. I tried asking my Professor Gabinger(the crazy email one), and her answer was a complete non sequitur. I am seriously considering just not doing the assigment. I am hoping she is like the teachers I have had in the past who I hated but learned a lot from. Right now I just hate her, don’t understand her, and don’t understand her class.

I have an actual day off on Sunday, and I can hardly wait for it! I have plans Saturday night to meet up with my friend Jason, and possibly some other kids from my last set of labs. Real plans to be social, amazing.

Maybe I am finally coming out of my hiding place. Maybe.

I just have to get through the next 52 days and then it will be summer. I think I can handle that.

I just finished taking a law exam that I may have actually failed, despite studying all weekend. Usually my schedule stresses me out only because it hinders me socially, but that is a sacrifice I’m willing to make in the name of education and financial stability. Right now I’m just feeling completely overwhelmed.

I was at my doctors and at various sections of Newton Wellesley on Thursday because I was having chest pains and shooting pains down my left arm. They tested me for blood clots and heart problems but failed to give me an answer. So maybe its just stress. Maybe it’s just a conversion disorder. Maybe my heart is breaking.

My advanced composition professor sent me this email after I informed her I couldn’t go to class because I was having chest pains:

Thank you for your note, Alessandra. Please get well right away. You have already used up your only sickness coupon in my class for this term. I realize that the university policy says otherwise, but you are too valuable a contributor to miss classes.

She is basically saying “you are valuable, so if you miss class I will drop you or fail you.”

Great.

Soon this will all be over. Soon.

I was just walking back from class when a guy walked by me with the loudest house music I’ve heard (outside of Italy) blaring from his headphones.
I couldn’t help but laugh, and neither could the guy behind me.

We struck up a conversation, and his accent pulled me in. He was about 10 feet tall and had shockingly dark skin.
He said,
“You can sometimes get ladies like that, they like the music. Some ladies are not like you.”

And I laughed.

He asked where I was from, and I returned the question.

“Connecticut, and before then Africa.”

“Where in Africa?”

“Sudan.”

All I could think to say was,

“Oh.”

And he said

“Oh, you heard about that.”

As if it was all some rumor going around the school.

He told me how he came him through a refugee program 7 years ago, and how there can be no peace without war, and he was incredibly nice.
He told me his name was Phil, and he left me at the bus stop with a nod goodbye.

I feel like I just stepped out of a strange dream.

I just want to go outside and sit in the sun all day. I want to go swimming. I want to be on a plane to somewhere else. I want want want want want.

I have the worst case of spring fever. I am psychotically happy but I am restless and cannot focus on my classes.

Happy Happy Happy