I really need to stop eating meat. It is bearing down on me. I also have a feeling that maybe my body does not take so kindly to gluten. This is highly possibly, considering I am Italian. I think I’m going to lay off both for a week, see how I feel.

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I am listening to him play guitar on the stairs. It sounds like Iron & Wine, and falling in love. Maybe not with him. The sound has suddenly called into perspective all the goings-on of these past two weeks. I am starting to realize that of all the directions I am being pushed and pulled, maybe none of them are right. I have just spent far too much time looking into the past and trying to fix my mistakes. Hoping one of you would get it. Some of you did, some I still have no idea. Point is, I guess these things were just never meant to be. Now, if only I could truly accept that I can move forward.

Happiness phase two is incredibly close, hopefully I can make it.

It’s 3am and I should really be thinking about the inevitable 11 hours of work there will be today at Quebrada. I should be thinking about the 6 hours of paper-writing that will follow it. I should be thinking about my mother. I am thinking about you.

Year of Happy.

So originally, my plan for my year of happy was pretty vague. Spread ashes. be happy.

I have realized that maybe I need to be more organized about this whole thing, So I have divided my plan into at least three phases.

1. Conscious Happiness

This will occur during the time leading up to the end of school (may 19th). I only have two weeks left, but it is becoming increasingly more difficult to try to remain happy. This phase involves
-Less bitching at work
-Trying to stay out of mean work gossip
-Sleeping more
-generally just trying to be in a better mood
-helping Bobby find an apartment
-Starting to get out of the house more

2. Self-Improvement
This begins on my first days off this summer. I know already that I will be a new woman as soon as the school year ends, but i want to make a more conscious effort. This involves:
-Prepping to wear my new bikini
-Reducing the amount of crap I own
-meditating again, possibly attending satsang or an RSSB event.
-Reading again
-Writing again
-Finally cleaning my house
-Finishing my sewing project
-Planning Nicole’s birthday

3. Fun, Joy, Love
This phase begins on my 21st birthday, when I need to take some time for me. This may include a bit of irresponsibility, but necessary irresponsibility. This includes
-My 21st birthday party(which has yet to be planned)
-My vacation to Barcelona
-My first night out with coworkers
-The rest of summer!
-Summer romance? We shall see.

Today is the first day of my year of happiness. The sun is shining, its 80 degrees outside. Seems like I am off to a good start.

Now if only I had something fun to do. Maybe I will go for a walk.