1. The situation going on with my beverage professor’s pants. Someone needs to tell her that none of us want to see that and she needs to buy properly fitted pants and/or blindfolds for her students.
2. Mystery bruises that continue to appear on my body.
3. My comforter at home refuses to let my body reach a proper temperature. I have to become a contortionist in order to sleep with just enough of my body covered. I occasionally find myself so knotted in my covers that I wake up in the middle of the night and have to wiggle my way out of the cocoon I have created just so I can breathe again.
4. My father.
5. I seem to be falling all over the place: falling down, falling onto the street, falling in love, falling out of it.
6. In addition to all the falling I’ve been doing a lot of dropping, I think I may have seriously dropped the ball this time.
7. The intense professor flirting competition that goes on in my film class. Why can’t we just have an old, ugly professor? Who isn’t funny?
8. The fact that I could sort out all of my problems in 5 minutes if she was still here.
9. The fact that now I’m the only one who laughs so much at the world and I can’t find anyone who just gets it.
10. Today in my beverage class one of my classmates, Patrick, was talking a lot about food science and asking questions. I agreed with a lot of what he said and I was really happy that someone else was as much of a food science geek as me. Then everyone in the class starting teasing him for it, and I was the only one to stand up for him. At a culinary school. Half the class took food tech classes, why is it that only two of us seem to have learned anything? Grrrr. They now refer to us as “elephants” because we hold on to information and evidently that is an intolerable flaw.
11. The fact that my professor gave me a 107 on my test instead of 110 because on the extra credit we had to identify 5 scents and I wrote almond instead of roasted almond. Bitch.
Actually, I should be more specific: raging bitch.
12. The vast excess of cheese in my life and the desperate demand for chocolate.
13. Pretty much everything about my body.
14. The fact that I have no one to talk to at my school under the age of 35. Why am I so old? I’m so sick of wandering around by myself.
15. The fact that I just can’t decide what to do about anything. This is so unlike me, and it’s torturous.
16. The fact that since my name begins with “A” a lot of people have me listed first in their phonebook, and people constantly dial me from their pockets. I get so excited because some old friend is calling me only to discover it is an accident.