I am exhausted and freezing and if my knees swell any more I won’t be able to hold them straight. But of course its day two of the holidays, and I will probably be at work forever. Not to mention I have to get home and try and finish my costume before working on the two huge projects and two huge papers due next week. I’m feeling really overwhelmed. And cold.

I have to do a better job of pretending that I care.

Nevermind, I’m way too busy to do that.

I just realized this design is so simple I could totally build it on my own. I have all the tools already.

Plus, I could design the arms/backs to be removable so I have infinite options.

And I could get the perfect fabric.

And I could stuff it with memory foam and have the most comfy couch ever.

And I could install magnets inside each side of the cubes so they will stay put once assembled!

Or I could just buy a fucking couch and stop being so nutty.

But how amazing would that be if I built it?

So, I was really really bored today so I decided to continue my quest.

 After travelling this far, I remembered a couch I had seen far back at Crate & Barrel. I loved the concept but I hated the colors they offered, and it wasn’t particularly comfortable
Here is the inspiration
I love the concept, it is clean and simple. It was really uncomfortable because the cushions are made with some recyled materal roughly as comfortable as sitting on a rock.
I also didnt like that it had no arms. This is a couch for miserable people with no elbows.

Unfortunately, since I have not only one but two elbows this just wont do.
So I’m having my own made, but there are so many options for pieces I cant decide!However, I have foud several companies who offer a similar product and specialize in very customized furniture.
So here is the new concept:
    A sectional couch made up of a series of modular cubes (or rectangles) that can be assembled or reassembled in a lot of ways.
I have made a chart of some of my thoughts. Each piece also works alone as a chair.
I also offered some of the colors I am considering so you can imagine them better.

Which is your favorite or which pieces would you buy and how many of each?

When I heard the song come on the radio yesterday I couldn’t help but remember.
                                I was 17 and I still loved you.

I was standing on a balcony in Italy, overlooking the Alps.
I was freezing.
As always, I had smoked too many cigarettes.

When I heard her singing I could smell the stale tobacco on my coat.
     I could taste it.
I could see my breath sigh its way into the evening.

          God, I really missed you.

Its so strange how vivid some memories are.
Flash forward and I’m standing in the airport:

                                 It was New Year’s Eve.

I called to tell you I wanted you back.
         I called to tell you I had a bottle of champagne.
               You answered and told me you had plans with someone else.

I didn’t know I still had any thought of you left.
Guess I was wrong.

    I’m so glad I left you.

Now imagine them all in black fabric. Just plain black. Or maybe red, I am having swatches sent to me. But think black. These all come from a site that makes very customizable couches so I can most likely mix and match some pieces.

Couch One
I like that this one has solid pieces so its smooth for napping and things wont be lost between the cushions. I hate the material they used. It’s what I want but I haven’t fallen in love with it.

Couch Two
I really wish the back on this was solid. But…
Imagine you are at my fabulous party(held by me) and this is in the center of the room. People can sit almost anywhere! I also like that it is so clean and square and not messy looking. This couch can also be built to an size I want and I could probably switch out the back.

Couch Three
I know the back is way too low on these, and the way they arranged the pillows is really lame.
But I just really like it.
Why must I be so practical?

Couch Four
So, this one is made with black velvet, though the picture is bad. It’s pretty close to my drawing and looks soo comfortable. If I did get this couch I kind of like the idea of black velvet but it would not be the kind shown, because I hate the way it leaves marks when you touch it. It would drive me crazy.

Couch Five
This is similar to four, but its purple and has different feet.

Couch Six
This couch is completely different but I just had to throw it in here because it fucking rocks. Why do I have to be an adult? WHY?!

Thoughts?

So yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical and it was awful and embarassing, but I’m being very responsible.

Anyways, to make myself feel better I decided to continue my quest for the ultimate sofa.

I had some luck at one furniture store and the saleswoman helped me design a custom, and ridiculously expensive, sofa. But it wasn’t perfect.

So, I want this sofa to invite people to come and sit and talk, or cuddle. It also has to be nap worthy. Though honestly, I just want it to be supercool and very me.

Macro was so boring I made you a lovely picture so you can understand what I’m thinking.
I also included a diagram showing why the shape is so awesome.

The couch :

“Mamihlapinatapai: A look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.”

Now that I am actually feeling better I think my brain is so excited to be functioning that I can’t stop thinking and its becoming overwhelming. I feel like I drank 20 cups of coffee.

I don’t know if I am the only one who does this but I think I have started to look at my life, the people around me, and myself as part of a story.

I expect people to reach a climax, have an epiphany, and grow or change.
I view rain as baptismal.
I feel love should never be too easy for fear of boredom, or too hard for fear of the story getting old.
I think villains will be punished. Eventually.

I imagine the one I’m falling for is sitting somewhere, perfectly lit, in the quiet scene I set for them when I am away. In my mind they wait for a movement in the plot, reflecting on everything that happened thus far. They drink coffee. They busy themselves. Their emotions slowly acquire a dramatic-almost feverish-flair.

I hint at things in conversation to foreshadow my future plans, and shed light on some of my fears.
Sometimes I personify the divine(the light, the sound, the universe, etc.) and view it as a reader. 

Maybe I am crazy, maybe I am brainwashed by literature and film. It keeps my days interesting. It makes the mundane seem important. It’s just my usual habit for daydreaming taking on a new form.
I realized today on my drive to school that the couch has left the realm of being a practical object and become a metaphor.for my deep rooted need for security, my desire to prove my worth and maturity, and my need to express my creative side.

I looked at couches with ATCB. If I was a character, would that represent my character becoming more comfortable or more insecure? We weren’t looking together in any sort of way, he was just accompanying me. Maybe he is a foil. Maybe I am a foil.

We had dramatically different preferences in cloth options. Mine are more flamboyant and “retro” in an affected,borderline-obnoxous, though appropriately “quirky” way. His choices are more earthy, dark, textured, and modern American. Interesting.

It’s just a couch.

But, this leads me to some questions for you:

If you were the main character in a book
1. What would be your fatal flaw?
2. What journey are you on? What is your motivation?
3. What is your biggest conflict?
4. Who are your most important supporting characters?
5. What is a recurring symbol in your life?
6. Is there an antagonist?
7. Who is telling your story?

please answer.

“You may feel as though the most important people in your life don’t really get how hard you’ve worked to achieve a certain special moment. Something you’ve wanted and worked for over a very long time has come to fruition, or is in the process of doing so. Yet those closest to you may not fully realize just how big a moment this is in your life. You’ve been much, much closer to this dream, and you probably have a much broader understanding of just how complicated it is. Give your loved ones the benefit of the doubt. As things start to unfold, they’ll begin to “get it.”

When I woke up today everything you never managed to do, and everything you never said didn’t bother me anymore.

I feel fantastic.

So I guess the Universe heard that I had an actual weekend and decided to just stomp all over it.

To be fair, the trip to Maine with ATCB was actually quite fun.

Though, as soon as. I left work on Saturday and sat down on my couch to relax I began to have what I thought was an allergic reaction. It turned out to be some sort of plague.

Of course, this happens right before my vacation, and last through mid-terms.

Fabulous.

So I was really good and totally toughed it out on our trip. Though once we crossed back into Massachusets I admitted that I was floating somewhere between agony and death.

Ok, maybe that is an incredibly-ridiculously-overly-dramatic-description, but I was hungry at the time and realizing slowly that this would mean not kissing ATCB. Tragedy.

So…did I mention I am super sensitive to cold medicine?

So I’m at home sniffling and coughing and wheezing(in an incredibly sexy way), ATCB comes to the rescue with lentil soup- my favorite food. I haven’t had it in weeks since I threw out all the convenience food in my house. Yeah, I know, he’s perfect blah blah blah.

Now, at this point I have taken enough medicine that I am shamelessly high. Cue the sitar music, because I was gone. This is why I only take cold medicine when I am in my house, preferably alone.

So ATCB prances in like Lancelot(if Lancelot delivered soup) and I go all googley eyed and become a whimpering-sniffling-lovey-dovey-mess.

Did I mention I was on a LOT of meds?

So I kind of curl up next to him on the couch and I try to nuzzle him with my head because I can’t use my nose since it is preparing to fall off my face. Something really wierd happened and I just started attacking him with cheesy lovey ranting.

Note to self:
Boyfriend + Food = good decision
Boyfriend + Wine = great decision
Boyfriend + Cold Medicine = bad bad decison

The poor guy. He probably thinks I have gone completely insane and become that girl.

I seriously could have just gone on all night telling him how perfect he is, breaking only for an occasional coughing fit.

I am so grossed out by myself.

I did well on all the tests I got back thus far, despite skipping some classes.

Tonight I decided to just screw it an move my brother’s stuff out of his room and start converting it into my living room. The painting phase has begun! (Next phase: dream couch)

My dad is gone for two weeks so I have the house all to myself

I have Sunday off which means I get to have a real Saturday night! Then I get a real weekend, and I get to go to Maine with ATCB. I also get to go to brunch, I have never had brunch. Since it is a combination of two meals, am I entitled to eat two meals worth of food? I don’t care I’ll probably be too excited about the concept to even eat.

I seem to have reconciled things with two people I had a bit of a falling out with at the end of summer.

I think I may be getting over the metaphorical wall that I put up to keep people away.

Today I set up an IRA and an investment account. It was nerve-wracking and exciting. It was hard to put away all that money and think of the fun I could have with it, but I feel decently responsible. I also think I deserve to spoil myself a little bit (so I bought paint).

There is a bottle of American Darling waiting for me in my fridge.

My life is perfect. Thank you universe.

There was a very dramatic improvement in the pants situation that occurs in my beverage class. I think she deserves some major credit for at least trying. I shouldn’t have been so harsh.

There seems to be a severe communication error going on between my mind, my heart, and my mouth. None of them seem to be on the same page.

Get it together guys, there is work to be done.