Dear Universe, I don’t understand what you’re trying to pull here.

So Saturday I was at work and the day was going really well. I had gone out for dinner at Lumiere the night before with Sweet Pea so I could check out the super cute bartender(Who I am almost certain was flirting with me).

Anyways, Saturday,  it is about 11:30 and I look at the clock and realize that even though it’s a Saturday I am probably going to get out of work on time. Amazing.

This sends me off on a mental tangent of thinking about just how happy I am. The first trimester is over, I have a couch, I have my life under control, I have this great guy in my life. The last thing I was thinking about was how happy I was.

Evidently my body rejected the joy.

Next thing I know I am opening my eyes to Mark (my manager’s) face. I look up and Sweet Pea is sobbing by my work table. I had no idea what was going on. I was covered in blood, and buttercream. I knew something had happened but I had no idea what. Everyone was yelling at me not to move. I was terrified.

In the ambulance, I still didn’t understand what had happened. I was yelling at the EMTs “I have to go back to work! Its THANKSGIVING WEEK!
They told me Jen was with me, which calmed me down. They told me I had a seizure.

I got to the hospital and my dad met us in the emergency room. I wasn’t really grasping the situation. I kept cracking jokes. I was really mad at the bandage they had wrapped around my head, I looked like a WWI vet. The gauze went all around my head and under my chin and was soaked with blood. They left room for my pigtails to stick out. Hilarious and embarrassing but mostly just hilarious.
The truth is I was panicking, I needed Adam to get there. I just knew that when he did I would be OK. So I am sitting in the emergency room crying and laughing and waiting and waiting for him to get there.

Luckily Sweet Pea was there to keep me company but I don’t think she is particularly used to this sort of thing so she seemed a bit shocked. My Dad on the other hand is totally jaded to the whole medical-crisis routine and began talking about pie. He spent 20 minutes (while I cried) debating what flavor of pie to order for Thanksgiving.

So when Adam finally arrives everything just suddenly seems like it is going to be OK. For the first time I cried in front of him. Somewhere during the whole “Oh my god I almost died” mantra that was cycling through my mind I realized that I am stupidly, shamelessly, completely in love with him.

This is nothing like the whole incident that occured the other week where he made my bed and it made me so happy I accidentally told him I love him and then took it back via text message because I am quite possibly the most insensitive defensive bitch in the world. This is more something I had been thinking about all morning that was confirmed somewhere while I was tied down in an ambulance being pierced with needles and repeatedly yelled at not to move. Ah, the romance.

So he spent the next few nights with me at the hospital. At one point, he is lying next to me on my hospital bed and I just say,
“So I’ve been thinking because of this whole “I almost died” thing that has been going on that just in case anything happens I want you to know that I love you.”

I really have a way with words sometimes.

Anyways, The Universe seems to have misinterpreted some of my requests so I’m going to revise them again.

Dear Universe,
I would like to live the rest of my life without ever having another seizure. If you could also get rid of all my other major health problems that would be lovely too. I was actually thinking about how fantastic a job you were doing when I was suddenly smited. Also, If I could lose 10 pounds that would be great.
love,
Alessandra

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Dear Universe, I’m sorry.

Work today wasn’t too too long but I did end up having to rush out the door to meet ATCB for coffee. I had some legitimately important things to discuss with him but the conversation didn’t go as I planned. I ended up only really talking about one thing-which was a kind of dumb joke he made that had bothered me. The whole thing really had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my history and my insecurities, and my tendency to turn shame into anger.

I feel like the sentence structure in that paragraph is a perfect representation of just how much coffee I had. Which really wasn’t that much but it seems to be working quite well.

Anywaaaays as I was saying I had intended to have a long, pleasant, and valuable conversation over coffee. When I got to the cafe, the only table left was the table I hate. I was trying to be nice so I took the less comfortable chair while I waited for ATCB. Problem is, this chair is in such an awkward position that my knees just weren’t fitting anywhere comfortably and when I tried to lean back my head kept hitting the fucking counter. So instead of addressing important things I spent half and hour fidgeting in that stupid fucking chair.

So the chair seemed to be the tipping point that sent my demeanor from anxious about school to pure rage, and sent me into an incredibly cranky rant. Poor ATCB had to just listen to me bitch endlessly. He did a fabulous job I must say.

After he left I moved to my favorite chair, finished my cappuccino, and worked on the rest of my marketing project. Once it was done I felt a lot better, even though there is still a ton to finish.

On my way home from coffee I realized just how awful I had been. I was not at all conforming to the attitude necessary for my “year-of-happy” and that I really have no right to complain. I am actually really lucky to be receiving an education, and to be living where I live and working in a job I love. I also realized that I was just stressing so irrationally about it all. In my short life I have been through so many things that were far worse than this, and lasted far longer. There is no reason I can’t do this and I was being a spoiled brat.

So I am sorry for complaining, and I am really grateful to have my job and be in school and know a guy who is willing to listen to me complain about it all when he isn’t even properly caffeinated.

That is my year-of-happy lesson for the day. Hope it inspires you.

Now, I am going to relax for the evening because I have accomplished a lot today and I need to clear my head a bit before tomorrow when I will harness my academic superpowers and use them to finish my work/fight the forces of evil/ save the world.

Well, maybe just to finish my work.

Today is over. I made it through. I am just praying tomorrow will be alright at work so I will have some energy left to finish the million things due next week. When this is all done I an going to award myself with a glass of wine-or seven,

This morning on my way to school all my frustrations and mixed feelings turned into an almost violent rage. I was worried someone would cross me and I would just flip out.

Writing this paper is ruining this film for me. Do you know how much fucking happens in 10 minutes of a Woody Allen film? Well, I can tell you it is way more than two pages worth of writing. Writing this paper is almost as complicated as Allen’s love triangles can be-though this film is like a love octagon.

Isaac is a 42 year old man Dating a 17 year old named Tracy. His  second ex wife left him for another woman and is now writing a book about their break-up.  His best friend Yale is married to his friend Connie but is having an Affair with Mary. Isaac ends up cheating on Tracy with Mary, Yale’s mistress. Good lord.

Suddenly my love life seems really easy to handle.

Potential Side Effects.

If I watch Manhattan I will:

1. Be madly in love.
2. Feel broken hearted.
3. Be lost in a black and white film for a week.
4. Have a severe case of writer’s brain all night.
5. Probably have a sudden desire to quit life and write a novel, but end up writing letters I will never send.
6. Have to break out my Gershwin records.

Watch out people.

Oh yeah…

Beverage presentation prepped. I am so ready.

Beverage Exam, I am going to destroy. I have been dating this exam for the past few months, I know every inch of it at this point.

What’s that you say? Manhattan is an option for my film paper? The film I know so well? That’s available for instant watch on Netflix? Oh ok, thanks for making my life easy.

My work for the marketing presentation was more complete than I thought, so my share(for the powerpoint at least) is done. Now to attack that 50 page paper….

Either way I can suddenly breathe.

My to do list for today:

1. Go to macro and pretend to take notes while I go over my beverage presentation and study for my beverage test.

2. Go to beverage and give the presentation then rush through my test

3. hopefully have enough time before accounting to pick and watch a 10-minute movie clip from the list of acceptable films to write my final paper/scene analysis for film

4 Write my paper during accounting.

5. This is where it gets complicated: I have to try and see Jason because it’s his mothers birthday and I would be the worst friend ever if I wasn’t there.I also have to make wednesday night dinner for my dad. I also have to finish my presentation for marketing tomorrow. I am thinking I can hang out with jason while simultaneously working on the presentation. I should just send my dad into Lumiere with a note attached to his shirt that says “Dear Adam, please feed me” and attach a blank check.
6. Slowly cry myself to sleep before I do it all again tomorrow.

FuckFuckFuckFuckFuck

I feel like a giant stress aneurism just burst in my brain. Everything is due in the next two weeks and I have nothing done, and no clue about some assignments. My mind has been wandering around Paris for three months drinking champagne and kissing cute bartenders. My visa has run out.

I dont even know where to start. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide out until Thanksgiving break. I thought I could just be a normal lazy college student for ONE TERM and not care, and I really didn’t. I’m just not built for a life of academic crime.

Gah I am going to lock myself in a closet and work for two weeks on homework.