Dear Universe, I’m sorry.

Work today wasn’t too too long but I did end up having to rush out the door to meet ATCB for coffee. I had some legitimately important things to discuss with him but the conversation didn’t go as I planned. I ended up only really talking about one thing-which was a kind of dumb joke he made that had bothered me. The whole thing really had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my history and my insecurities, and my tendency to turn shame into anger.

I feel like the sentence structure in that paragraph is a perfect representation of just how much coffee I had. Which really wasn’t that much but it seems to be working quite well.

Anywaaaays as I was saying I had intended to have a long, pleasant, and valuable conversation over coffee. When I got to the cafe, the only table left was the table I hate. I was trying to be nice so I took the less comfortable chair while I waited for ATCB. Problem is, this chair is in such an awkward position that my knees just weren’t fitting anywhere comfortably and when I tried to lean back my head kept hitting the fucking counter. So instead of addressing important things I spent half and hour fidgeting in that stupid fucking chair.

So the chair seemed to be the tipping point that sent my demeanor from anxious about school to pure rage, and sent me into an incredibly cranky rant. Poor ATCB had to just listen to me bitch endlessly. He did a fabulous job I must say.

After he left I moved to my favorite chair, finished my cappuccino, and worked on the rest of my marketing project. Once it was done I felt a lot better, even though there is still a ton to finish.

On my way home from coffee I realized just how awful I had been. I was not at all conforming to the attitude necessary for my “year-of-happy” and that I really have no right to complain. I am actually really lucky to be receiving an education, and to be living where I live and working in a job I love. I also realized that I was just stressing so irrationally about it all. In my short life I have been through so many things that were far worse than this, and lasted far longer. There is no reason I can’t do this and I was being a spoiled brat.

So I am sorry for complaining, and I am really grateful to have my job and be in school and know a guy who is willing to listen to me complain about it all when he isn’t even properly caffeinated.

That is my year-of-happy lesson for the day. Hope it inspires you.

Now, I am going to relax for the evening because I have accomplished a lot today and I need to clear my head a bit before tomorrow when I will harness my academic superpowers and use them to finish my work/fight the forces of evil/ save the world.

Well, maybe just to finish my work.

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One thought on “Dear Universe, I’m sorry.

  1. Exactly. In the grand scheme of things these stresses are of little importance (and that's what I keep telling myself too), but they still can build and manifest themselves into horrible horrible feelings that totally still deserve recognition. It is really nice though to have awareness and appreciation of all the great things you have.

    Besides, getting passionate about what you're experiencing (I've learned in my expressive therapies classes) is incredibly therapeutic and honestly, a skill. So I wouldn't feel guilty about the anger or the frustration. It's when you start using it destructively that things get bad…

    you're fabulous dahlink!

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