My January 3rd Resolutions.

These are Resolutions that are going to begin on January 3rd 2011 at 12:00a.m. and will continue until July 4th 2011. This is my first draft.
Why January 3rd? Because my first resolution will be greatly impeded by the dinner reservation I have at Hungry Mother on January 2nd.  Cornmeal breaded catfish. Yum.
So, Here they are:
  1. From January third until July 4th eat 1200 calories a day. This should afford me a healthy weight loss of 1lb. per week. Days I am allowed to break this rule are as follows:
  1. Valentine’s Day
  2. Karen’s Birthday
  3. Nicole’s Birthday
  4. Jen’s Birthday
  5. If I go on vacation.
On days where this rule is being broken, calories are not to exceed 1650. I will keep track of what I am eating every day accurately, and not give up in the evening as I often do.
  1. Save $1000 each month in my ING account. This is an aggressive goal but one I think I can handle, especially once I am working full time again. I may edit this goal if it proves unfeasible.
  2. On Valentine’s Day, having successfully maintained my diet, wear the red dress I bought and go see Casablanca (as I always do) at the Brattle Theater.
  3. Wake up every morning and drink a full glass of water.
  4. Wash my face every night before bed.
  5. Wake up 30 minutes earlier. Spend 15 minutes meditating. Spend 10 minutes stretching. Spend 5 minutes doing floor exercises.
  6. Before my birthday, discover 5 new albums that I love all by different artists.
  7. Every Wednesday, write one new creative 500-word piece of writing.
  8. Every Wednesday, write one journal entry reviewing my goals and recording my successes and difficulties in order to maintain my motivation.
  9. Every Wednesday, clean my bedroom, my living room, and my bathroom. This day is subject to change when I return to school.

The rare moments when I am having a hard time talking about something everything in my body shuts down. I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. I feel myself closing off.

Yesterday I passed out in Adam’s shower and had to call for his help. For a girl who tries incredibly hard to be low-maintenance,  I take a lot of effort just to keep alive. I’m tired all the time. My elbows hurts from when I fainted.

Something just doesn’t feel right and I got sick of trying to figure it out so I have just distanced myself from the problem. I don’t have the energy to focus on any emotion other than being happy, I refuse to.

I know everybody thinks new year’s resolutions are stupid but I have a lot of them that I will post about soon. The whole idea is pretty exciting for me. If they go nearly as well as my year-of-happy goals did, I’ll be set.

Ah, Fuck.

I know I should stop thinking about you right now but you have wiggled (and nibbled, and moaned) your way into my mind and won’t go away.

In the mean time, I should start putting up some more legitimate writing.

Events of the past 48 hours that made an overly-dramatic impact on my emotions.

1. ATCB and I were  in the corner table at the bar we went to on our first date. He stared me dead in the eye (as always) and I didn’t look away for a good minute and a half before he finally says,
“Are you waiting for me to kiss you?”

For future reference, I am always waiting for you to kiss me.

2. I was snooping through the pile of catalogs on ATCB’s dining room table, when I saw the glasses (as in dishes, not eyewear) that Bobby had been looking for since about date three of our relationship. I set down my hot chocolate, shuffled over to ATCB’s bedroom, grabbed my phone, and hit the(as yet unchanged) speed dial 2. Four rings in, I realized what I was doing.

Right as I was about to hang up he picked up.

It was almost 11 o’clock. So I had to tell him that late on a Sunday night I was up thinking about his glassware aspirations. I tried to drop Adam’s name as many times as humanly possible. I am so thick sometimes.

3. Since I am effectively imprisoned in my home for the winter, I now have way to much free time on my hands. I am in the process of cleaning out, reorganizing, redecorating, and fixing up the top floor of my house. Within a 20 minute span I came across my mother’s perfume, a vial of her ashes, a lock of her hair, and a random piece of lined paper with useless notes she had written on it. Cue vociferous sniveling.

4. Last week I decided that it is high time I start dressing the way I have always wanted to. So I began shamelessly ordering dresses online. Tonight I got a phone call from the company I ordered 8 dresses from telling me that one would be out of stock for a few weeks, and asking if I would like to cancel my order or wait. After agreeing to wait the extra time I said,
“So, this is the point in the phone call where I should really be a giant bitch in hopes that you will give me a discount. But I don’t really want to. I could probably make up some story about how I needed that dress for a big party that is now ruined. But, instead I’m just going to ask you to pretend I did that and see if you can give me some sort of fabulous discount. Can you?”
She laughed, and got her manager to give me 40% off the dress.