Regarding the unfathomably gargantuan 12mm spider residing in the courtyard.

I want you to know that I killed the giant spider who has been living by the elevator window for months now, coming and going and existing in her orange-and-black-striped and increasingly terrifying fashion far too close to the mailbox.
At least, I think that I killed her,
I used the edge of a cardboard box and she dropped to the cobblestones. At least, that is what I hope.
Perhaps, she ran up my sleeve
and is in my hair now,
waiting.
Perhaps, her thousand servants are now congregating for the sole purpose of plotting my demise.
They are laying out maps and dealing with issues of nepotism
and who is really the first born son of a thousand and so on.
I can only hope their diplomatic issues hold them at bay for some time.
I have no idea what exactly she has been sustaining herself on for all these months, since August,
through Christmas,
and deep into winter.
Whatever it is was, was likely rather meaty given her voluptuous nature.
It is likely crawling into the apartment, and into the bed.
But before it inevitably kills me, I just want you to know-
that I did this courageous thing for you.