I have been carrying a lot of ghosts around with me today, some friendlier than others. Chris, as every year, is called to mind in January when blood oranges are in season.
I have a test day on Wednesday at what I hope will be my new workplace- I made blood orange macarons for the interview and they came out perfectly, like biting into a fresh orange. Like an escape from the winter to someplace warm. Topped with a sparkling slice of candied orange, died blood red. What a sparkling haunting. What promise seems to hang in the January air. The wind has been so strong recently, and everyone’s cheeks are bitten red.
I am filled with hope, and anxiety, and sugar. I am bundled up in scarves and sweaters.
Chris was not the first person I lost to suicide, nor was he the last. We’ve all seen too much death.
We’ve all been bitten by the cold.
Crisis Hotline Austria: 142
National Suicide Hotline USA: 1-800-273-8255