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Hiding in Plain Sight

If you’ve been thinking about kissing me or dreaming about bedding me,
I regret to inform you that you have missed your chance.
This is the last call before I go off the market for a while. 
You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.

(The mornings are better when they start with your smile)

I’ve barely slept in my own bed since returning from Granada,
but I’ve been keeping my clothes on. 

(The birds know, and my grass knows, and all my journals know, and indeed, the pens know, but I won’t write it down)

I have been collecting bruises
Like stamps in a passport,
Stickers on a suitcase.
I have been around. 

(I have mostly been around you)

I realized somewhere along the journey that I would like to stay here for a while.
I’ve been buying heavy books, putting down roots.
I have been letting your embraces grow on me like moss.

(You kiss my shoulders every time you sit next to me.)

I realized it somewhere in Spain,
While staring at the waves the heat braids into the horizon.
I knew I was taken and I didn’t need a reason.

(I could feel the way you gazed at me in the garden.)

The safe thing would be to continue all my troublemaking,
Staying up late kissing women and pretending,
Having trouble sleeping in unfamiliar beds,
Waking up sweating.

(We linger, our foreheads pressed together, refusing to say “be mine”)

It’s an efficient way to build walls, and a simple way to box myself in.
I can keep you at arm’s length if only I tangle myself in someone else’s limbs.
Like maybe, just maybe, if I kiss her I will stop being afraid to get hurt.
It was a mistake, I’ve made worse.

(When I sleep I dream we are talking on the grass. I know we just met, but I have told you about my day a thousand times.)

If you came here looking for a woman with a demure smile,
With a quiet voice,
You have come to the wrong place.
I do everything with the volume turned up,
I know nothing but how to be loud.

(I love the same way)

But I only ever apologize in a whisper.

(I am sorry I kissed her)

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