Essays & Short Stories

I am the 2 Tram, and I am here to ruin your evening.

I am the 2 tram. Excuse me, Bim zwei, but I prefer you call me the 2 tram. I know what you’re thinking, you’d be surprised to know, English is actually my native language! No German (or Austrian) efficiency here! My mother was American, an oil painter, she loved watching paint dry. My father was an […]

…And, what do you do for work?

Telling someone I am a pastry chef can be pretty fun. Generally speaking, people like sugar. So generally speaking, when I tell people I deal in sugar, they are more prone to like me. Their face lights up and they say“Oh, how wonderful!”,and for a moment, I feel a bit magical. As if I am […]


      They’re always bitching at me not to leave my till. Todd, Margaret, all of them. Always bitching. Though, they never explain just how it is that I’m supposed to know what the lady standing in front of me means when she says, “A grande-caramel-latte, and one of those on the end” and starts pointing her […]

I Speak Not of Shepherds, Father.

“Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been innumerable years since my last confession. “ “May the lord help you to confess your sins, my child” “Father, I have lied, but I have done so oft in the name of love, or companionship, but these lies have begun to weigh on me, and […]

For Those With a Longer Attention Span

When I am not writing cryptic verse, I occasionally share longer and equally ill-formed opinions.

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