Some bits and pieces from my 30/30

Be kind

Be complacent. Be prepared

Have a hidden motive

a proven formula

Be nicer if the budget is higher

if they are getting married in a ballroom

Be baroque but not too much so

Be more expensive than the rest

Be Cocky

Bend slightly

If the are very nice or very cruel

or if they know somebody

or know somebody who knows somebody

Bend slightly,

your back,

your prices,

your rules

If they are wealthy and flirtatious

bend your morals

You charge 90 euros per hour for decor

on top of

the price of cake

you are the best of the best

you are on top of…something

Something great

and traditional

and historic

When the Nazis occupy your country

Host the head of the head of Hitler youth in your dining room

in exchange for sugar

Hide your waitresses in a passageway

between the kitchen and the bathroom

Harbor refugees and listen to illegal radio stations

listen to the truth

Tell lies

Hold your head high.

You charge 90 euros per hour of decor

This is not America

so you can only recommend against certain flavors

the soft cheesecakes.

The fragile things.

You cannot make them sign a form

that they won’t complain

when summer forces their wedding cake to bend to them

Amazing how someone I’ve always known to have such low self-esteem

I told my husband it’s easier to deal

if you just pretend

there is no medication available.

That this is just how things will be

and sometimes it will be more this way

and sometimes less

but it will always be more or less this way

My doctor asked if he has mood swings.

Evidently mood swings are a good thing.

They give a better prognosis.

He said he needed a magnifying glass to read it.

The problem isn’t my glasses

It’s my dry eyes and this damn

Tiny print

She said he had to find the app to call her back with video

That it should already be on his computer

He asked if Microsoft owned skype

And why the damn thing wanted him to make a microsoft account

He said his coworkers didn’t know the password was a combination of her name and her brothers

She said he was getting old.

I am not a poet, I just journal

and put in big spaces.

     I am not a poet

I just have an affection for dramatic pause.

I am sorry for all the things I will eat,

Especially the mindless ones. That don’t even taste good. The low fat cheese I ate three times as much of. The full fat cheese I was shoving in my mouth already on the walk home from the grocery store. I am sorry for all the times I went grocery shopping hungry. Or all the times I went with a plan, bought a garden, and watched it rot in the crisper drawer while I ate nachos. I am sorry for the inevitable split zipper, the ripped pants, the hundreds of unflattering photos. Especially the group photos. I am sorry. I hope I was better to you than I expect I will be now. I am not yet 30 . I hope you didn’t cry on your 30th birthday. I hope you feel still feel beautiful once in a while.

On the night of the blood moon I make an appointment to go out and look at it. It is somehow always behind a building.

It is too cold to keep standing outside

On the night of the harvest moon I am mournful for all the summer days I spent inside.